A funny joke that'll make you giggle!
Forum Regular
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 780
Likes: 3
From: Parsons Kansas
Re: A funny joke that'll make you giggle!
A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A REPUBLICAN
By John Gray
Joe gets up at 6:00am to prepare his morning coffee. He fills his pot
full of good clean drinking water because some liberal fought for
minimum water quality standards.
He takes his daily medication with his first swallow of coffee. His
medications are safe to take because some liberal fought to insure
their safety and work as advertised.
All but $10.00 of his medications are paid for by his employers
medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their
employers for paid medical insurance, now Joe gets it too. He prepares
his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs this day. Joe's bacon is safe to
eat because some liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing
industry.
Joe takes his morning shower reaching for his shampoo; His bottle is
properly labeled with every ingredient and the amount of its contents
because some liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting
on his body and how much it contained. Joe dresses, walks outside and
takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some tree-
hugging liberal fought for laws to stop industries from polluting our
air.
He walks to the subway station for his government subsidized ride to
work; it saves him considerable money in parking and transportation
fees. You see, some liberal fought for affordable public
transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a
contributor.
Joe begins his work day; he has a good job with excellent pay,
medicals benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some
liberal union members fought and died for these working standards.
Joe's employer pays these standards because Joe's employer doesn't
want his employees to call the union.
If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed he'll get a worker
compensation or unemployment check because some liberal didn't think
he should loose his home because of his temporary misfortune.
It's noon time, Joe needs to make a Bank Deposit so he can pay some
bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some
liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers who
ruined the banking system before the depression.
Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae underwritten Mortgage and his below
market federal student loan because some stupid liberal decided that
Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and
earned more money over his lifetime.
Joe is home from work, he plans to visit his father this evening at
his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive to
dad's; his car is among the safest in the world because some liberal
fought for car safety standards.
He arrives at his boyhood home. He was the third generation to live
in the house financed by Farmers Home Administration because bankers
didn't want to make rural loans. The house didn't have electric until
some big government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and
demanded rural electrification. (Those rural Republicans would still
be sitting in the dark)
He is happy to see his dad who is now retired. His dad lives on Social
Security and his union pension because some liberal made sure he could
take care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to. After his visit with dad
he gets back in his car for the ride home.
He turns on a radio talk show, the host keeps saying that liberals
are bad and conservatives are good (He doesn't tell Joe that his
beloved Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit
Joe enjoys throughout his day). Joe agrees, "We don't need those big
government liberals ruining our lives; after all, I'm a self-made man
who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I
have."
By John Gray
Joe gets up at 6:00am to prepare his morning coffee. He fills his pot
full of good clean drinking water because some liberal fought for
minimum water quality standards.
He takes his daily medication with his first swallow of coffee. His
medications are safe to take because some liberal fought to insure
their safety and work as advertised.
All but $10.00 of his medications are paid for by his employers
medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their
employers for paid medical insurance, now Joe gets it too. He prepares
his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs this day. Joe's bacon is safe to
eat because some liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing
industry.
Joe takes his morning shower reaching for his shampoo; His bottle is
properly labeled with every ingredient and the amount of its contents
because some liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting
on his body and how much it contained. Joe dresses, walks outside and
takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some tree-
hugging liberal fought for laws to stop industries from polluting our
air.
He walks to the subway station for his government subsidized ride to
work; it saves him considerable money in parking and transportation
fees. You see, some liberal fought for affordable public
transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a
contributor.
Joe begins his work day; he has a good job with excellent pay,
medicals benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some
liberal union members fought and died for these working standards.
Joe's employer pays these standards because Joe's employer doesn't
want his employees to call the union.
If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed he'll get a worker
compensation or unemployment check because some liberal didn't think
he should loose his home because of his temporary misfortune.
It's noon time, Joe needs to make a Bank Deposit so he can pay some
bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some
liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers who
ruined the banking system before the depression.
Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae underwritten Mortgage and his below
market federal student loan because some stupid liberal decided that
Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and
earned more money over his lifetime.
Joe is home from work, he plans to visit his father this evening at
his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive to
dad's; his car is among the safest in the world because some liberal
fought for car safety standards.
He arrives at his boyhood home. He was the third generation to live
in the house financed by Farmers Home Administration because bankers
didn't want to make rural loans. The house didn't have electric until
some big government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and
demanded rural electrification. (Those rural Republicans would still
be sitting in the dark)
He is happy to see his dad who is now retired. His dad lives on Social
Security and his union pension because some liberal made sure he could
take care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to. After his visit with dad
he gets back in his car for the ride home.
He turns on a radio talk show, the host keeps saying that liberals
are bad and conservatives are good (He doesn't tell Joe that his
beloved Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit
Joe enjoys throughout his day). Joe agrees, "We don't need those big
government liberals ruining our lives; after all, I'm a self-made man
who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I
have."
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 14,593
Likes: 27
From: IN
Re: A funny joke that'll make you giggle!
Quality water. Most water companies are owned by private companies now. Publicly traded. Wonder what the owners of the company's politics are?
His drugs are through the roof on costs because of all the regulation a publicly traded and owned company has to abide by.
Unions put his company out of business by threatening to strike if they didn't get the wages and health care they wanted. Joe doesn't have a job anymore. His job is in Mexico now.
Joe doesn't do any of the other things you mentioned because Joe has had enough gov't in his life. Joe is ready to put a gun to his head, and at least he knows he can own the gun, they haven't taken that right away yet.
Now, take your political bullshit somewhere else. I don't believe any of the **** you just spewed, because without bi-partisan help, none of those bills would have passed.
Just look at what is happening today, no bi-partisan work, no bills are passed. Keep drawing the line in the sand pal, we will cross it soon, you shall see....
His drugs are through the roof on costs because of all the regulation a publicly traded and owned company has to abide by.
Unions put his company out of business by threatening to strike if they didn't get the wages and health care they wanted. Joe doesn't have a job anymore. His job is in Mexico now.
Joe doesn't do any of the other things you mentioned because Joe has had enough gov't in his life. Joe is ready to put a gun to his head, and at least he knows he can own the gun, they haven't taken that right away yet.
Now, take your political bullshit somewhere else. I don't believe any of the **** you just spewed, because without bi-partisan help, none of those bills would have passed.
Just look at what is happening today, no bi-partisan work, no bills are passed. Keep drawing the line in the sand pal, we will cross it soon, you shall see....
Last edited by oledoc2u; 11-24-2011 at 07:23 PM.
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 146
Likes: 0
From: Winterville, NC
Re: A funny joke that'll make you giggle!
wow Rush... that was a lot of typing, I sure hope you didnt get carpal tunnel syndrome. I wouldnt want Obama care to have to pay for that too.
And good luck getting any of those benefits when you retire.
and Amen OleDoc
And good luck getting any of those benefits when you retire.
and Amen OleDoc
Last edited by awilson40; 11-24-2011 at 07:16 PM.
Senior Member
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 3,084
Likes: 7
From: Lantana, Republic of Texas
Re: A funny joke that'll make you giggle!
Originally Posted by rush549
A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A REPUBLICAN
By John Gray
Joe gets up at 6:00am to prepare his morning coffee. He fills his pot
full of good clean drinking water because some liberal fought for
minimum water quality standards.
Do you really think Republicans want dirty water? Maybe your right. I want my water full of poisons and I want it to glow in the dark.
He takes his daily medication with his first swallow of coffee. His
medications are safe to take because some liberal fought to insure
their safety and work as advertised.
Yes we want deadly medications too. Now with some tort reform, I could maybe afford even more deadly medications.
All but $10.00 of his medications are paid for by his employers
medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their
employers for paid medical insurance, now Joe gets it too. He prepares
his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs this day. Joe's bacon is safe to
eat because some liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing
industry.
Yes, republicans like their meat full of deadly bateria too.
Joe takes his morning shower reaching for his shampoo; His bottle is
properly labeled with every ingredient and the amount of its contents
because some liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting
on his body and how much it contained. Joe dresses, walks outside and
takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some tree-
hugging liberal fought for laws to stop industries from polluting our
air.
Yes give us dirty air to go with our brown glow in the dark water. I can see ingredients on the shampp bottle but can seam to see how much of anything is used.
He walks to the subway station for his government subsidized ride to
work; it saves him considerable money in parking and transportation
fees. You see, some liberal fought for affordable public
transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a
contributor.
Public transportation? Not anywhere I ever lived. Where in the constitution am I guaranteed a ride to work. any transportation system should be privatized.
Joe begins his work day; he has a good job with excellent pay,
medicals benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some
liberal union members fought and died for these working standards.
Joe's employer pays these standards because Joe's employer doesn't
want his employees to call the union.
I have all those things and didn't need to a union to get it. If employers want to find and keep good peoplle they offer these things. Every state should be a right to work state. What is wrong with being pro-choice when it comes to joining or not joining a union?
If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed he'll get a worker
compensation or unemployment check because some liberal didn't think
he should loose his home because of his temporary misfortune.
You will still lose your house if you are counting on workers comp or unemployment to make ends meet.
It's noon time, Joe needs to make a Bank Deposit so he can pay some
bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some
liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers who
ruined the banking system before the depression.
Nothing unsrupulous, panic and runs on the banks caused failures. Banks are insured by FDIC btw, Democrats of the '20 and '30's are more like republicans today. JFK has a lot more in common with conservatives of today the today's leftist democrats. JFK love capitalism and despised marxism
Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae underwritten Mortgage and his below
market federal student loan because some stupid liberal decided that
Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and
earned more money over his lifetime.
Yes "stupid liberal". Both programs are either broke of going broke. These programs are are responsible for much higher costs.
Joe is home from work, he plans to visit his father this evening at
his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive to
dad's; his car is among the safest in the world because some liberal
fought for car safety standards.
So people are too stupid to buy cars they feel are safe and let the manufactures respond to buyers needs and demands?
He arrives at his boyhood home. He was the third generation to live
in the house financed by Farmers Home Administration because bankers
didn't want to make rural loans. The house didn't have electric until
some big government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and
demanded rural electrification. (Those rural Republicans would still
be sitting in the dark)
I am sure a smart enterprising repulican would have seen the need and filled it with a competitive product that he could make a profit on.
He is happy to see his dad who is now retired. His dad lives on Social
Security and his union pension because some liberal made sure he could
take care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to. After his visit with dad
he gets back in his car for the ride home.
If his dad had invested the money on his own he would have retired with much more than a poverty level retirement income.
He turns on a radio talk show, the host keeps saying that liberals
are bad and conservatives are good (He doesn't tell Joe that his
beloved Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit
Joe enjoys throughout his day). Joe agrees, "We don't need those big
government liberals ruining our lives; after all, I'm a self-made man
who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I
have."
By John Gray
Joe gets up at 6:00am to prepare his morning coffee. He fills his pot
full of good clean drinking water because some liberal fought for
minimum water quality standards.
Do you really think Republicans want dirty water? Maybe your right. I want my water full of poisons and I want it to glow in the dark.
He takes his daily medication with his first swallow of coffee. His
medications are safe to take because some liberal fought to insure
their safety and work as advertised.
Yes we want deadly medications too. Now with some tort reform, I could maybe afford even more deadly medications.
All but $10.00 of his medications are paid for by his employers
medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their
employers for paid medical insurance, now Joe gets it too. He prepares
his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs this day. Joe's bacon is safe to
eat because some liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing
industry.
Yes, republicans like their meat full of deadly bateria too.
Joe takes his morning shower reaching for his shampoo; His bottle is
properly labeled with every ingredient and the amount of its contents
because some liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting
on his body and how much it contained. Joe dresses, walks outside and
takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some tree-
hugging liberal fought for laws to stop industries from polluting our
air.
Yes give us dirty air to go with our brown glow in the dark water. I can see ingredients on the shampp bottle but can seam to see how much of anything is used.
He walks to the subway station for his government subsidized ride to
work; it saves him considerable money in parking and transportation
fees. You see, some liberal fought for affordable public
transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a
contributor.
Public transportation? Not anywhere I ever lived. Where in the constitution am I guaranteed a ride to work. any transportation system should be privatized.
Joe begins his work day; he has a good job with excellent pay,
medicals benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some
liberal union members fought and died for these working standards.
Joe's employer pays these standards because Joe's employer doesn't
want his employees to call the union.
I have all those things and didn't need to a union to get it. If employers want to find and keep good peoplle they offer these things. Every state should be a right to work state. What is wrong with being pro-choice when it comes to joining or not joining a union?
If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed he'll get a worker
compensation or unemployment check because some liberal didn't think
he should loose his home because of his temporary misfortune.
You will still lose your house if you are counting on workers comp or unemployment to make ends meet.
It's noon time, Joe needs to make a Bank Deposit so he can pay some
bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some
liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers who
ruined the banking system before the depression.
Nothing unsrupulous, panic and runs on the banks caused failures. Banks are insured by FDIC btw, Democrats of the '20 and '30's are more like republicans today. JFK has a lot more in common with conservatives of today the today's leftist democrats. JFK love capitalism and despised marxism
Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae underwritten Mortgage and his below
market federal student loan because some stupid liberal decided that
Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and
earned more money over his lifetime.
Yes "stupid liberal". Both programs are either broke of going broke. These programs are are responsible for much higher costs.
Joe is home from work, he plans to visit his father this evening at
his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive to
dad's; his car is among the safest in the world because some liberal
fought for car safety standards.
So people are too stupid to buy cars they feel are safe and let the manufactures respond to buyers needs and demands?
He arrives at his boyhood home. He was the third generation to live
in the house financed by Farmers Home Administration because bankers
didn't want to make rural loans. The house didn't have electric until
some big government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and
demanded rural electrification. (Those rural Republicans would still
be sitting in the dark)
I am sure a smart enterprising repulican would have seen the need and filled it with a competitive product that he could make a profit on.
He is happy to see his dad who is now retired. His dad lives on Social
Security and his union pension because some liberal made sure he could
take care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to. After his visit with dad
he gets back in his car for the ride home.
If his dad had invested the money on his own he would have retired with much more than a poverty level retirement income.
He turns on a radio talk show, the host keeps saying that liberals
are bad and conservatives are good (He doesn't tell Joe that his
beloved Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit
Joe enjoys throughout his day). Joe agrees, "We don't need those big
government liberals ruining our lives; after all, I'm a self-made man
who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I
have."
Forum Regular
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 367
Likes: 1
From: Plymouth MN
Thread Starter
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Senior Member
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 6,012
Likes: 517
From: Central South Carolina
Senior Member
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 3,084
Likes: 7
From: Lantana, Republic of Texas
Re: A funny joke that'll make you giggle!
Barack Obama was seated next to a little girl on an airplane trip back to Washington. He turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to The Obama, "What would you like to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the Obama. "How about What Changes I Should Make To America?" and he smiles.
"OK," she says. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
Obama, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it for a second and finally says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to change America when you don't know $hit?"
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to The Obama, "What would you like to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the Obama. "How about What Changes I Should Make To America?" and he smiles.
"OK," she says. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
Obama, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it for a second and finally says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to change America when you don't know $hit?"
Forum Regular
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 780
Likes: 3
From: Parsons Kansas
Re: A funny joke that'll make you giggle!
Originally Posted by Larry Hitze
That wasn't even thinly diguised as a joke -- out and out political Rush.
Forum Regular
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 780
Likes: 3
From: Parsons Kansas
Re: A funny joke that'll make you giggle!
A sales man stops to talk to a farmer tending his sheep.
The salesman asks if the farmer knew how many sheep he had.
the farmer replies, no, I don't.
Well then it might be safe to say you don't know how many are male, and how many are female, right?
Sure, the farmer says, that's right. I don't have a clue.
Well I'm here to make you an offer. If I can tell you in two days how many sheep you have. How many are male, and how many are female. Will you give me my pick of one of those sheep?
Exited, the farmer replies. Heck yes. I can use that information.
The next morning the farmer is awoke with the sound of helicopters outside.
He runs outside to see that there are men in white lab coats scouring his fields. And helicopter above with radar, lasers, and fancy equipment. All furiously taking data. At the end of the day they leave.
The next morning the salesman has returned. Well he says to the farmer, you have 247 sheep. 112 are female, and 135 are male. Can I have my sheep now?
Sure, says the farmer.
The sale mans takes his pick and turns to leave when the farmer stops him.
If I can tell you what you did in your last job can I have my animal back?
OK, I game. Giver her a try.
You obviously were a Republican politician, says the farmer.
Wow, that's amazing. How did you know that?
Well, you came here and talked me into something I didn't need. Then you spent far more time and money on finding the results than was necessary. And lastly. you don't know a thing about what your doing.
The sale man replied, I told you the information correctly didn't I?
Look, says the farmer. Can I just have my damned dog back?
The salesman asks if the farmer knew how many sheep he had.
the farmer replies, no, I don't.
Well then it might be safe to say you don't know how many are male, and how many are female, right?
Sure, the farmer says, that's right. I don't have a clue.
Well I'm here to make you an offer. If I can tell you in two days how many sheep you have. How many are male, and how many are female. Will you give me my pick of one of those sheep?
Exited, the farmer replies. Heck yes. I can use that information.
The next morning the farmer is awoke with the sound of helicopters outside.
He runs outside to see that there are men in white lab coats scouring his fields. And helicopter above with radar, lasers, and fancy equipment. All furiously taking data. At the end of the day they leave.
The next morning the salesman has returned. Well he says to the farmer, you have 247 sheep. 112 are female, and 135 are male. Can I have my sheep now?
Sure, says the farmer.
The sale mans takes his pick and turns to leave when the farmer stops him.
If I can tell you what you did in your last job can I have my animal back?
OK, I game. Giver her a try.
You obviously were a Republican politician, says the farmer.
Wow, that's amazing. How did you know that?
Well, you came here and talked me into something I didn't need. Then you spent far more time and money on finding the results than was necessary. And lastly. you don't know a thing about what your doing.
The sale man replied, I told you the information correctly didn't I?
Look, says the farmer. Can I just have my damned dog back?
Last edited by rush549; 11-25-2011 at 11:47 AM.
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