I prefer to spell it "Dam". That is just me. I don't know where our society went wrong where people can have a choice to help or not help someone. It is called America and it is my right to choose what I do with my hard earned money. I donate money and give 60% of my salary to charity. If I am going to send 60 dollars to Stan, I would rather send it to my brother that is struggling and having a much harder time than Stan. I don't have to explain myself or decisions I make to anyone. This is also a forum and I can express myself on this matter. I am sure there are a lot of people here that feel the same way as me but won't speak up. Maybe I shouldn't speak my mind but I do.

Anyway, I am glad I could stir up some emotions. Maybe more people will donate to Stan because they now hate me so much. I wish him the best of luck... but I am sorry... I have lost a lot of money these past 2 years. I also donated enough this year.

 

07' No one Hates you... it is just the way you went about it. Not knowing the man and assuming the worst of him. I know you said you are not like people in the South... ie.. me. I don't feel it is a Southern thing, but more that I was reared by a compassionate, selfless mother and she just taught me and my sisters to never turn your back on someone in need, as we were in need many times in our lives. I have many times seen homeless people and when I stopped and got a burger, etc... I bought an extra, you know, I've never had a single one of them turn that food down and they ate it hungrily. There is a saying "What goes around, comes around." I know NY is a very hard place and I do understand your point of view, I wish you could come down to Georgia for a while, chill out, see how friendly people here are. I have been scammed many times, as you might guess, but I don't let it stop me from helping someone, I feel like the one that I refuse might have been the one that needed it the most and what harm does it do me to give them a few dollars that I may have wasted on a lottery ticket! So, I am not hating you... I respect your opinion, just maybe be a little more understanding of someone elses plight in life, a little softer around the edges, won't hurt, and, who knows, may make you feel better in the process.

 

Bump this up for my buddy, Stan.

 

~ i have attempted to clean up this post... if you would like to assist stan... please do so.

thanks for your understanding.

 

Deborah, great advice. I can see you're a wonderful person. Your mom raised you right.

God bless you.

 

FP--- I like you! I like a lot of the people here. I love this place and everyone is very helpfull. The information is priceless. No offense in what I am going to say... but my mother raised me to be kind and help people. But she also gave me common sense. I am nice to people and I help them. Just this morning I offered to carry a woman's bag in the building for her. People come to me and ask for change all the time to buy a soda from the machine. I make donations to charity. I am kind and generous. I throw money around to all kinds of people that I know. A friend of mine at work got into a bind and I offered a great sum of money to help pay the mortgage and keep a roof over his kids heads. Never did he say to me "that is all you can give".

I just was not happy to hear someone complain about the amount of money they got from donations. I think that is wrong and spoke my mind. I got attacked and called all kinds of names. If everyone is so rightous, kind and giving then why am I getting such hatred from some people for chosing not to help one individual?

 

No hatred from me... we all do what we feel is best. We all go on our own gut instinct and we all give in the ways we see fit. No doubt you are a good man.

Deb

 

Simple. Because you felt the need to explain yourself.

Totally unnecessary, except perhaps to yourself.


Sorry pal, you asked. No desrespect intened, I call 'em as I see em'

Best bet would be to stay quite for a while, except maybe to bump this thread up from time to time. That does help and cost you nothing.


franc

 

Black, I'm sure you're a good guy and are very giving. I know we all need to draw the line somewhere on our charities. But like Franc said, if you don't agree with the request, just don't say anything. While I bet you're a good Samaritan you did not come across that way. That's why I said in one of my earlier post that you were probably a silent giver.

God Bless you my friend for giving to others.

 

WOW! I just got back on here after a little reprieve this weekend.

You guys are brining me to tears! I am so, so thankful to the people that helped out! I am also thrilled to see the positive/caring side of the membership come to my defense.

As I said, I thought long and hard about approaching the forum membership with my plight. And it was only because I have seen the membership help out so many others. I don't think of it as begging but just seeking help where ever I can get it.

I would like nothing better than to get back to work and return to life prior to my lay-off.

I just want to say that I feel I should only give "thanks and praise" to the members in general that have helped me. I feel some may want to keep details private. I certainly understand that.

Just know that I am very grateful and obviously blessed to be a part of such a great community!! I can't believe how much love for a car can inspire/build a community and how much it has changed my life with new friends, activities and fun times!

Stan

 

Stan.

I just came across this post, and I wanted to extend you my deepest sympathy. Times are tough for so many people, and I have seen many close friends lose their jobs recently. It breaks my heart to see such good people down on their luck, you included, and I will be praying that you get back on your feet soon.

I have never spoken to you or met you in person, yet I still feel this knot in my stomach. I've been in your position before, and had no one to turn to. In my opinion, it is the hardest thing to do...asking for help, especially from those who don't know you and could be quick to judge.

I read this entire thread, and I would like to do my part and send you what I can.

To blackcrossfire07 - I understand exactly where you're coming from. I too do not give money to the homeless, although it breaks my heart to see them on the streets. I do not know whether they are scam artists, and part of me wonders if they make more money than I do sitting on street corners every day. There are those who really are homeless, but I feel MOST are able to get their butts off the street and get a job.

In Stan's situation, he is NOT able to get a job at the moment, and is trying his hardest to make ends meet.

Like someone else said, $1.00 from each member would help out a fellow XF owner, and in my opinion, it will give ME a great sense of satisfaction to do my part.

Good luck Stan, and please keep us posted on how you're doing. I doubt we'll ever cross paths, but I can't sign out of this forum today without helping you. I really hope a job opportunity bites for you soon.

Paypal payment will be sent momentarily.

 

FP, I think that you know me a little during the time that I have been on this forum and I wanted to ask you as a senior member and moderator for your thoughts on this.

I don’t know Stan (who is likely a great guy) and not many on this forum personally but is this the place (forum) for this? I submitted the third post and there could be several other ways that we can help Stan in addition to $. If you give a man a fish he eats for a day but if you teach him to fish he eats for a lifetime. Could we not offer other things to help Stan? Did anyone read my first post (#3)? Why are we only hung up on donating money only? The other is an issue of a possible double standard would I as a newbie be able to ask people for donations to help me keep my house because I lost my job be accepted here? I strongly doubt it…

There seems to be a double standard which I feel caused unfair responses to blackcrossfire07. As you all moderate this forum I am sure that any newbie asking for donations would get put on hold relatively quickly and if Stan has some money issues, then I suggest there be a forum section that is led by an administrator to take up donations.
I think that helping out a fellow forum member and for that matter a fellow human being is great, I am however surprised by the position that many have taken against someone that disagreed; not to helping Stan out but the way in which this thread was started. He does have a point and I think that this type of issue I think is better led by a moderator who has the credibility and knows the recipient. This validates the effort and would also promote more giving because those donating would be more convinced that this was not some type of scam. Stan I am sure is not scamming so that is not my point here but I do think that helping him out could be done in a manner that would not promote any ***** nilly that wanted money from using this as a way to make a quick buck. Today our world is filled with scammers and allowing this to go on in this manner may just set a precedent.

Let’s help Stan out, but I think that you moderators should take the lead by setting up a thread for him and doing this the right way. And while I could get on my soap box and state many reasons why I agree or disagree I do think that the moderators and admins should look at this more broadly and not just because Stan is a longer term member that several know. This must be fair for all, and remember there are a lot of talented people on this forum some with means and some with less, but I am sure there is also a lot of talent. Let’s make this even more beneficial for Stan than just giving him a fish or two!!

I may get flamed for my comments, but I can't let the comments directed at another forum member unjustly go on when I think he really does have some valid concerns. We are all a family, new and old; because even the longer term members were newbies at one time!

Respectfully,

Nate

 

nate, you have made a very good point, I think I actually agree...no offense to Stan, but in Stan's defense, there are people who do know him, vouch for him if you will. I chose to ignore his comment that started this BS, because I could recognize the frustration he was feeling...people get down, and immediate help can turn people around, which was my take...others took it another way...but, Nate, you make a good point...when we lost a great friend, Sidez, even though I hadn't met him, thru this forum, I still felt I knew him somehow, and that is how I see this with Stan...we get to know each other, and trust they are good people....I think Nate has a good point FP>>> looking for your thoughts

 

I, for one, would just like to know what is wrong with helping out someone in need? This is confusing, maybe it is because I am from the South and HERE we HELP each other, be it family or otherwise.... God I am thankful that I have a wonderful group of friends and business associates that I could count on in a crisis. I help them they help me. We all know that God helps them who help themselves, do we not, Stan needed help, asked for it, plain and simple, persecute him, ridicule him, whatever, he asked and we answered, rather negative or in a giving manner... it shows the STUFF we are made of. I for one, would help ANY member of this if the need be.

Let's not try to skin this issue. We know the underside! The point is... Let's help a fellow AMERICAN in need! We are all on the front line here. We all have a hard time, or at least I do, being single and female, makings ends meet from time to time. One day I may, or YOU may have to ask for assistance.. and would it not be great if you felt you could ask you FRIENDS her for that help.

We are all Gods children, lets learn to help one another without judgment!

Deb

 

wow, nothing wrong with helping Stan, but others have concerns as well, nothing wrong with listening to their concerns...I have already helped Stan, and I am not going to get into this with Nate, or 07, I respect their opinions, just don't like it being a pissing match...good points all around, help him or move on...I chose to help as you did...but I think others want to make sure there aren't scammers in waiting...Had I not seen Stan's posts, and his friends stand up for him, I might have agreed with the others...STAN, good luck my friend...hope you find something soon, but I am moving on...hope you understand...

 

I guess now I am the next one to hate instead of 07 but Deb please re-read my post. The point has nothing to do with Stan as a person or a person in need, and most certainly not judging.

Note that I said lets help him, however help can be in many ways. I am also confused as to how your being from the South helps matters. This does nothing more than infer that you are somehow more gracious that someone from the North. Whether someone is from the North or South has nothing to do with their commitment to their brothers or mankind, neither does that mean that they are more or less generous. I do not in the slightest need to speak about my generosity to win you over or prove how good or bad of a person I am. My posts are simply based on a few key principles here.

If the forum is a place that people in need can ask for money when they are down, we open a small pandoras box. You speak of helping people; I can surely direct you to a few people in need that are far worse off than Stan and of no fault on their own. They would love to have a car let alone a sports car. Now is no reflection on Stan but rather on the principle that I mentioned in using the forum for this.

Lets help Stan, but let’s do it right. That is the point! It is not about skinning the issue, its about doing what will help Stan the best way. You guys sending Stan 5, 10 50 bucks will help but, don’t you think that if I owned a company that could help Stan get re-employed would really benefit him? That is another way as well that can help.

I want someone that has the reputation here (forum admin or moderator) to take a lead on doing something like this for a member that we know. Who knows tomorrow someone may make us a story and start a fund on here for my new wheels! Would that help the next person in trouble or just make the rest of the forum members mad?

This needs to be done the right way and actually help and not hinder the benefits for Stan and other members who may also be in need!

I do hope that you understand that my post as a 6 month member is to make our forum work best for all members, but hopefully my comments can be taken correctly. If you are in doubt just re-read my post and understand my true position and also PLEASE Know Deb that I am not poking you in the eye but want you to see the bigger issues here.

Thanks

 

I fear that the nashing of teeth and rending of garments over this subject may lead to the administrators having to police this kind of thread. Sad, because so often people in need have been helped on this forum. Sad still, somebody always puts up this question and gets us into the discussion about whether or not it is appropriate.

I think Stan's initial disapointment was unfortunate. But as I myself did not even see the thread untill it was up for five days, perhaps the explanation for the initial low response can be found there. The darn forum keeps resetting hence his plea was buried. Once the discussion got hot and frequent the response was overwhelming.

Meanwhile we are debating the worthiness of someone asking for help. Why? A newbie might come on and try a scam thing, how many people would say "excuse me I don't know you." Justifiable question. I doubt they would get much help. Lots of advice maybe, but not much money.

But with someone who has been here for more than a year, and frequently posts, there should be a comfort level that would inspire some confidence.

Please don't make it more difficult for someone in need to ask. It is really quite simple, if you don't want to give, or simply can't, fine. Not one person here has the right to judge that. Why worry.

If you can then, do.

In truth there is no protection from sending your money down a hole. Give at church, give at the office, give to a panhandler on the street. A free right you have to chose for yourself.

But don't choose for me.

Sadly, Stan has to wonder what he started. I'm sure it wasn't his intention to put a riff between anybody. So, in the spirit of charity and good will, please......LET IT GO!

franc

 

Not sure how the above post was twisted into something nasty, but this whole thread is getting more than a little ridiculous. Give if you'd like, don't if you choose not to. Very simple. Stan is obviously a well like guy that people trust and respect. I just simply dont think this is the place for a thread like this.

 

I will no longer participate in this issue... nor will I have my heritage attacked, I did not bring up the south to begin with and as a lady I will bow out... Hope all goes well for Stan, I did what I could. Issue closed, at least for me. I won't be attacked or made to feel shallow or any other thing other than what I am, either you understand this or not. Not saying that Southern people are any more compassionate or anything than anyone else.. was just stating the way I was raised. I will not justify myself or my upbringing to anyone. God knows I do my best, and that is all that matters to me...

I ment no offense to anyone in anyway, if I did, I am sorry.. Best of Luck and Gold Bless Stan, I pray that he finds work that enriches him in many ways.

Deb OUT OF HERE!!!!

 

Hey... I got an idea. Let's drop this subject because nobody is understanding my point. I don't know why Stan couldn't find a job in the past 6 months. I don't know Stan and I don't know what he does for a living.


How about this... I lost thousands of dollars in the past 2 years because of the financial mess we are in. How about you guys send me some money to help pay my car off? Maybe I can buy the toys my kids wanted for Christmas but I couldn't afford. If everyone sent me a dollar a month I would be a lot happier. Maybe you can make a difference in my life and make me "nicer".

Deb... nobody is offending the southerners. That is not what he meant... I am 99% sure it came out wrong. Don't be offended. We all love the southerners. Warm people I think his point (like mine) is that giving money is not "giving"--- that was his fish analogy. Donating money is just a patch on the problem. If someone here could get him a job, that would be the best thing you can do for him. I would like to see someone here do that!!! ANy offers! That is how you really help people.